Though former Real Housewives of Orange County costar Tamra Barney cruelly accused him of being a “deadbeat with a sick son,” Slade Smiley and fiancé Gretchen Rossi say he’s beyond devastated by his 13-year-old son’s battle with brain cancer.

“I find you often in the bathroom crying by yourself about Grayson,” Rossi tells her love of five years and costars including Jenni “JWoww” Farley and fiancé Roger Mathews in Breaking Celebrity News’s exclusive preview clip from Friday’s episode of Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars. “But you don’t talk about it ever.”

Smiley— who recently told Radar he’s “disgusted” by Barney’s diss on his parenting and swears he helps ex Michelle Arroyo pay their son’s medical bills— confesses he often hides his anxiety over Grayson’s illness from Rossi.

“I like to internalize, and certainly when it comes to my stuff, I have a hard time talking about that,” Smiley admits. “I take it all on me.”

When Rossi coaxes him to communicate more, Smiley shuts down.